Nangten Menlang - Buddhist Medical Center

Pauline - September 26, 2010

I enjoyed reading your insights about love and protection. My question to you is: how do I let go of the walls that almost automatically pop up when someone I care about acts in a way that feels hurtful to me? I don't want to feel my heart closing in response to another person's actions/words, but I don't seem to be able to stop it from happening.

Thank you!

Response from Tulku Lobsang:

Dear Pauline,

Yes this happens and it seems like it is automatic because at first we are so used to protecting ourselves. But this is not our nature. It has just become a habit to do it. Therefore, this is something we have the possibility to change. You see, if someone says something hurtful to you, what is it that really makes you close? Is it the person who says these things that closes you, or is it the words themselves that make you close? Do they actually make you close you or is it the sound of the words that makes you close? Just examine this and try to search for what it is that makes you close? Ask yourself, "Is it the person or the sound of the words that make me close?" The person does not make you close. And what he says also does not do this. It is just what you perceive. It is how you take it, how you interpret it. THe way that you take the words, how you perceive them that makes you close. This means that it is neither the words themselves nor the person who spoke them that close your heart. You are the one that decides. You are the one that closes yourself. So, you need to become free of your perceptions, free of your interpretations. What you think is what you receive. Therefore, you have full control. You have all choices. It is your choice to close. It is not what they give you. It is how you take it. That is your choice.

~Tulku Lobsang

Answered on October 9, 2010
Joshua Tree, California, USA